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| twice my age. |
| 07.07.05 (5:00 pm) [edit] |
Sorry, I haven't wrote on here in a long time but with a new job and deciding to re-take my LSAT. I have been busy. But today, I am going to talk about my confusion. I have been with my live in BF of almost 5 years. I do love him and I know he loves me but commitment has always scared him. And to be perfectly honest, I don't see him asking me to marry him for at least 3 more years.
So, now here is where my confusion begins. I started this new job and one of the patients that comes, I have been finding myself to be really attracted to him. I have a crush. I am fantazing about this man. Well, this man is 58 years old and I am 29. But, I thought he was in his 40's when I met him. The age doesn't even matter to me right now. I find him to be highly attractive and to be honest, If he asked me for coffee or to do anything. I am highly tempted to say yes. But, I would say no because I am in a relationship. But, this whole thing has got me confused. Why am I attracted to a man twice my age? I mean I find myself for the first time in years, leaving my hair down when I go to work, instead of throwing it back in a bun. I am so confused. But, I know there is something wrong in my relationship for me to feel this way towards another man. I don't know what to do and I don't really know exactly what is missing. I am extremmly confused.
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| Plan "B" |
| 05.25.05 (2:51 pm) [edit] |
So, I rec'd a letter today from them and let's just say I am highly disappointed and a little bit pissed, as while as being a little relived.
I am disappointed because I did not the position and I thought I really wanted it. I can't figure out what went wrong because my interviews went really well. Or so I thought. I usually am a good judge at that.
I am pissed because in the letter it states that they decided to pursue other candidates and during the visit, it was mentioned more than once that they were doing mass hiring and the only person we were competing with was ourselves.
I am relived because I feel like I was lied to now. And so I wouldn't want to work for corporation like that anyway.
So, Plan "B" I will accept the Part time position for the physical therapy office. I could tell right away that this would be a great learning experience as well as fun environment to work in for the next year. I will look for another part time job just to subsidize my income. So, now it is off to law school. I will decide later if I want to re-take the LSAT or use the score that I already have from a few years ago.
So, I am disappointed but I am keeping my faith that just was not in the cards for me. And God has something better planned for me.
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| Z-Trip |
| 05.24.05 (11:52 pm) [edit] |
I was listening to the radio today......and KROQ was giving a pair of tickets to Magic Mountain away to 10 callers every hour. MM is shutting down the park to the general public for KROQ and having a DJ Z-TRIP spin. So, I thought cool, I love Z-Trip and haven't seen him since Coachilla a couple of years. I figured, heck I'll call and try. Not like, I ever thought I was going to get through. So when it started ringing, I was sure they were going to pick up and say sorry, you are caller 11, we already have our ten callers. But nope, I won tickets. For this particular event, my odds were better then they normally are. But, very cool either way.
This was my first time ever winning anything from the radio. Pretty sad considering I have probably been calling for radio contests since my pre-teens. :-)
So I was wondering has anybody won and had many years did it take since you first calling in on different radio contests?
It took me, I would say 15 years of calling to actually win something. :-)
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| Doubt. |
| 05.23.05 (11:30 am) [edit] |
So, I have this part time job that I am supposed to get back to today about what happened at my other interview. I think I am just going to tell them to withdraw my name from candicacy. I feel that I am being completely unfair to these nice people holding the position for me. THey have already held the position for over a week now and if I get job offer for the FT job. I will accept it. I don't know what to do....
I still feel that I nailed the interviews on Sat. but now 48 hours later and I have untill Friday to find out if I got it or not. Doubt is in my mind. I am more nervous about getting this job offer, then when I was waiting on responses of acceptance into a university. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggg ggggggggggggggggggggggghh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! !!!!!
Update: I called the PT position and told her that I will not know until Friday about this job and it is my first choice. I then proceeded to tell her that if she needs to make a decision before that I would understand. And, it worked out she told me that they did want to offer me the position and that they would wait until Friday. That takes a load of my back for now. So, I hope the FT position does get back to me before then. I swear sometimes, I stress myself out before I even know what's going to happen. I tend to very good at that.
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| I nailed the company visit. |
| 05.21.05 (9:56 pm) [edit] |
So, the day finally came for the "company visit" and I was pleasantly surprised. I found myself being drawn into the company.
1) Not only is this company financial stable, but they are in the process of opening 100 stores a year---Endless room for growth. I was in the driver seat of my career and potentially in 3 to 5 years, I could run my own store. I mean Wow that is great.
2) Their values coincide with mine. They value the environment and the community around it. They currently recycle or reuse 70% of their waste. That is great. A corporation that cares about the environment. Rare. But, they also give 5% of their earning every week, roughly 2 million dollars to charity ranging from education to social programs.
3) The company culture is great. Everyone I talked to from the cashiers to the general manager’s that love their job. They believe that everyone is crucial to the success of the business.
4) They take of their employees. The benefits they give are geared to keeping their employees happy and to stay and make a career with them. That is so rare in corporations now.
So, I figured out. I really want this position. I feel that I nailed both of the interviews during the company visit. Every question was a behavioral question and I used the trusty STAR approach every time. My student government, nursing assistant, Hourly worker at McDonalds right after high school, to my final exams at the university gave me a rich variety of situations and tasks to expand on. During the general discussion, I was complimented about my question from the regional manager, that it was a good question and she was impressed.
----So, I hope I made a good impression and from what I understand I was not in competition with anybody there. The only competition I had was myself. I think I pulled it off. So, I should hear about the position in the next 5 business days. I am crossing my fingers. I realize that because this organization is growing so much in the next couple of years. That is not luck but an opportunity which presented itself and which I am prepared for.
I am so happy, but I am trying not to get my hopes up.. just in case.
I will be so disappointed if I don't get the position. So I am crossing my fingers and hoping for the best. :-)
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| Part Time |
| 05.12.05 (11:43 pm) [edit] |
So, I had an interview today for a part time position at physical therapy office. They were so nice. You can tell that this would be such a great place to work. Honestly, I think they would have hired me on the spot. They told me that they could start me as early as Tuesday of next week.
I started feeling bad. They want somebody to commit to at least a year with them. Which I can understand that. I felt bad because I lied. I told them I was going back to school to study for my master's and this is why I am looking for a part time job. (Which the thought has crossed my mind to take this path.)
I told them, I could not make any decision for another week, because I do have a second interview scheduled. Which I am hoping I will find out at the end of the day if I am hired or not. I received the itinerary for the "company visit" and from 3:30-4:30 is concessions. So, I am thinking they will tell the candidates at that time if they made the cut or not.
But, I probably screwed it for myself because I could tell that they backed off tremendously. At that point, they started making statements about interviewing other candidates and etc.
Sometimes, I wish I could one of those individuals who don’t give a rat's ass about anybody else except himself or herself. I think life might be a little bit easier.
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| Is That Wrong? |
| 05.04.05 (3:00 pm) [edit] |
So I have finally started receiving calls for interviews for positions that pay really well with opportunities to grow and advance within the company. Which I am glad.
But I have this dilemma, I am starting to get short on the cash flow. I know that the more pay for a job, the longer the interview process is.
So, is it wrong to get a part time job in administration and leave when the good job finally comes around? Which I am expecting in less then 3 months. Is that wrong or should I just hold off?
I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot either financially.
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| Rock Springs |
| 05.01.05 (11:43 pm) [edit] |
I lived in Rock Springs, Wy for a year and a half. WHich I claim temporary insanity. It really was a culture shock for me coming from California to a small town of less then 20,000.
I got these comments from Blogthings and these are my comments on them.
"Vacation" means going to Cheyenne for the weekend.
---------------This depends on what part of WY you live in. In Rock Springs, we were closer to Salt Lake City, UT
You have ever uttered the term " Greenie!"
--------------- I have never heard of this term
It's "BIG NEWS" if a non-Wyoming friend saw a celebrity once.
-------------- That is completely true and I don't understand why.
Down south to you means Colorado.
--------------- Not to me, but to alot of people I knew it did.
All the festivals across the state are named after terrain features or Indian tribes.
------------------- Yes for the most part, but I always thought this was pretty cool
You know what a Jackalope is.
------------ Nope, guess I didn't live there long enough
You know that Yellowstone is in Wyoming, not Montana.
------------------ Yep, right by Cody, WY
You know that Wyoming is in the United States, not Canada. (Or a suburb of Denver)
------------------- Temporary insanity, I claim
You drink pop; not soda.
-------------------- This is True, It was one of the first things that I noticed. Somebody asked if I wanted a pop. At first, I was like What? I'm sorry I don't understand. But, i never acclimated to that. It just sounds to...I don't know...Wrong.
You never knew there was a taxi service in your town.
--------------- Well you knew but there was only one. And when I day one, I literally mean 1 taxi
The elevation is five times higher than the population on the city welcome sign.
--------- Oh my gosh, this is true... Pop. was like 18,000 and I have no clue what the elevation was..but lets just say it snowed on 4th of July.
There are more oil pumping units than trees.
------------- In the part of WY I lived in...but not every part
Wide open spaces mean 120 miles to the next rest stop.
----------- In any direction......
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| Carolyn 101 |
| 05.01.05 (3:16 pm) [edit] |
So I finally got off my ass and applied to more jobs. I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, as the saying goes.
I finished reading "Carolyn 101" Business Lessons from The Apprentice's Straight Shooter, by Carolyn Kepcher. I really enjoyed it. She knows her stuff and she gives excellent, sound advice for woman in business. I have to admit I did not know who she was before the show but I have found her to be a great mentor for me. She is straightforward, ethical, educated and successful. I would definitely recommend the book for college graduate women that are going into the business world. She knows her stuff.
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| Nothang to say |
| 04.30.05 (9:53 pm) [edit] |
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I have been so completely wiped lately, I have nothang to say. :-)
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| Comments--LA |
| 04.25.05 (12:59 am) [edit] |
Bored----So This is what I consider to be true and false of LA from Blogthings
You Know You're From Los Angeles When...
You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends
--------Definitly True...it's pretty gross actually
You go to a karaoke bar and battle with seven year old divas-in-training who are trying to steal your thunder
-----I try to avoid these bars
You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day
--------TRUE, TRUE, TRUE and it really sucks
You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch
--------lifeguards at the beach?? I've never seen them
You see purple and gold and the word "Threepeat" on every corner
----------Yes, we love our Laker's even though they are not in the Play-offs this year
You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).
--------True, the famous saying, you are 20 min. away from everything mentalilty...even though it's really not true
You eat a different ethnic food for every meal
------True, it's great......one of the nice parts about LA
You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it'll be your favorite Laker or WB star.
-------- Depends on who you are.....I could care less
You make a conscious choice to watch Jay Leno over David Letterman
-------- I don't know if I make a conscious choice but I do Love Jay
You mourned for Tupac and not for Biggie
--------- I think it's tragic what happened to either one of them
You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.
-------TRUE......Stay off the freeways if you can between 3:30 and 7:00
Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".
--------- Mentioned above
You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.
-------- Damage of what???
You've inadvertently learned Spanish.
--------- Nope, still linguestically challenged
You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.
-------- Reminds me, I need to water my spices
In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.
----------- True, that is what great about this place
You've bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.
------ I never have
You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.
-------- Yep.....that's all I have to say about that
Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.
--------probably
If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.
-------- Walk in LA! :-)..... definitely driving if more then 5
You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.
--------- Yep, at least in West LA it is
Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.
--------- Yeah and that sucks.
You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.
---------- TRUE and FALSE, yes there is a helicopter flying overhead but I can fall asleep and sleep soundly
When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.
------- True, tourist need to experience Venice Beach
You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.
--------- Does Sunshine count?
You've trespassed through private property to get to the "Hollywood" sign.
--------- I haven't, but that would be cool
You've partied in Tijuana at least once.
-------- I've partied in Juarez, and since then I don't do the whole border town parting thing
You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.
------- False, you'll get hit if you do that..... Too many people driving
You've never listened to NPR.
---------- I have no clue what that is
Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.
----------- True, and they are talking about adding another area code......argh!! Cost money to call your neighbor across the street because it's a differnt area....
You have a favorite Thai restaurant.
-------- Oh, of course......Natalee Thai.......
You think Johnnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner.
---------- This place Rocks!!
When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."
------------- In addition to asking, How's parking in your area?
You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.
--------Don't forgot Trader Joe's
You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.
----------Depends on the beach
You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep.
---------- I'll take earthquake's anyday over hurricanes
You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.
---------- Or Longer!!
Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.
-------- All the Time!!
You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."
---------- Hell Yeah.... people just don't think or care
You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.
-------- For me it's all about the ATM...
That last one goes for your local convienience store man, too.
------------ No, I think this depends on the location of the store in LA
You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.
-------- You don't know what your missing........ Yummy... Yummy
You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.
--------- Believe me the Rich are a minority in LA.
You call 911 and they put you on hold.
---------- Every Time....And you can be on hold for like 5 min.--just enough to be dead by the time they get to you
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| Extensive Preparation is the Name of the Game |
| 04.24.05 (8:40 pm) [edit] |
So I completed the test that Company "T" gives you. It was so long. 2 hours, I felt like I was in class taking a surprise mid-term.
So, I have done some research on "Company Visit" and have found that it is usually a one to two day event, which strong candidates are invited to for the final phase of the hiring process. This is where you interact with various individuals from the company. It is also the time when you will be interviewed by multiple individuals depending on their itenary. It is also during this event which basically determines if you will be hired or not. Sometimes at the end of the event, that will hire you on the spot.
This makes me nervous.
I read that these visits require extensive preparation.
* Learn as much as possible about the company, through their website and other outside sources
* Look at their annual report
* Look at industry & business publication containing articles about them
* Converse with alums of your school who are employed there now
Basically, Appear knowledgable about the company, the industry & competition, their financial standing & history, know their culture, reputation and what ever else I can find.
So, from now until then...I will be doing extensive research on this company. And, all I have to say, "I better get this job, otherwise all this new knowledge I will acquire will only be good for a random question every once in a while about this company."
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| final round |
| 04.21.05 (10:30 pm) [edit] |
Yeah, I did get through to the final round of interviews for company "T" position. But I am so nervous. I received an email stating that there will be a final round of interviews known as "Company Visit". This is where I will meet with various representatives in a variety of positions to learn about this company and complete my final round of interviews. Interview"S"--- Oh my gosh!!
What does that mean? How many interviews am I going to have? This is an all-day event. I am completely overwhelmed. I have no clue what to expect. As soon I read the email I felt my stress level going up.
I have heard that this is pretty routine for corporations but this is completely new to me.
If anybody has ever had an interview similar to this, Can someone give me a heads-up on what to expect. It would be much appreciated. Thanks
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| SW Interview...... |
| 04.20.05 (1:02 pm) [edit] |
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So everything external that could go wrong for an interview, did. First, I could not find the place, then when I do, I arrive right on time. Not ten minutes early like you are supposed to. So one of the gentlemen that works there comes out and asks to see my identification. I have never been to an interview where they ask for that. So of course, I left it in the car. He tells me, I have five minutes to run to the car and get back or the interview will be cancelled. So, I say the only thing I can say, " I will be right back" I hop on the elevator which is on the 10th floor, so going down it makes every stop in the world. I finally get to the bottom, run to my car and get my license, and get back up to the office. I should add that it is hot and I have business attire on.. i.e. Jacket. He immediatly takes me to a small room with no windows and little ventilation with two individuals waiting there to interview me. I can feel the beads of sweat starting to swell up on my forehead from running to my car and there is nothang that I can do about it. Except try to wipe it away without them knowing. Fat Chance. I look like I am sweating because I am nervous, not because I just ran in these people's minds. Then the interview consists of case management questions. All of Them!! What the hell, I am not a social worker. That is why I am applying to Social Worker TRAINEE Position!!! I answer the questions to the best of my ability. I don't know if they like me. I can usually get a good feel for how my interviews are going. At the end, I try to salvage it with how my degree and my background is a good start for this field and other bullshit. I also ask alot of questions. They are smiling and talking to me at the end. But I won't know how the interview went until I receive the paperwork that states, Please take a drug test to further determine your eligibility OR Thank you for your time, but unfortunely you do not qualify to proceed any further in the interview process. In Two Weeks, I will find out.......... Hmmmmmmmm.
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| Mythological Creature |
| 04.19.05 (2:26 pm) [edit] |
Fun Quiz, what mythological creature are you?
You scored as Angel.
Angel: Angels are the guardians of all things, from the smallest ant to the tallest tree. They give inspiration, love, hope, and positive emotion. They live among humans without being seen. They are the good in all things, and if you feel alone, don't fear. They are always watching. Often times they merely stand by, whispering into the ears of those who feel lost. They would love nothing more then to reveal themselves, but in today's society, this would bring havoc and many unneeded questions. Give thanks to all things beautiful, for you are an Angel.
Mermaid: Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid.
Mermaid 67%
Angel 67%
Faerie 58%
Dragon 42%
WereWolf 42%
Demon 0%
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=21002" title="http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=21002" target="_blank"http://quizfarm.com/test.php?...
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| We shall see |
| 04.18.05 (8:36 pm) [edit] |
So I have been doing really good. This week, I have lost 8 lbs. Now if I can keep it up, at least 3 lbs a week and I will be doing good. I had my interview with target for the executive team leader position. It went really well. He told me that he was going to give me a good recommendation to the corporate office. Yeah!! I made it through the first interview.
Tomorrow, I have my interview for the social worker position. So this will be challanging. I am used to interviews based on business so I know it will be different. I hope it goes good though and that I can nail this interview too. So we shall see.
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| Wake Up Call |
| 04.14.05 (11:02 pm) [edit] |
So the last couple days have been really weird and I think I am overly stressing on everything. On Sunday, my stomach was cramping and it was painful, then I had heartburn for like three days. On Monday night, I woke up at 3 AM and could not breathe. I was having a dull pain in my left arm and heartburn that would not go away. It scared me so much that I was afraid to go back to sleep for fear of not waking up. I just could not catch my breathe. I felt like I was having a heart attack. I was scared. So I have decided this is a real wake up call for me. I am 28 and I should not be living in fear of every little thing that intimates me. I need to start living life. I need to make changes.
Tuesday, right after this incident, I threw every piece of food that was processed away. I went to the store and bought all veggies and chicken. I didn't even go in the middle lanes, where all the boxed food or candy is. I found my old yoga and mediatation book and for the last two days, I have been doing that. Upon doing this, I have found some good things and bad things.
YOGA- Good: My body feels great when I am done. BAD: I have along way to go in alot of poses. My flexibility is limited due to lack of streching this last couple of years and the increased abdominal fat I have occured during this time also.
Mediatation: Good: I am learning to relax and relieve stress. BAD: WOW!! It's really hard to keep your mind from wondering!! I didn't realize how much chit-chat I have going on! Mastering this will take alot of time
Affirmations: Good: I am starting the process of replacing negative tapes in my mind with positive tapes. BAD: none, so far-- It has been helping me saying no to putting toxic food in my body.
Some of my affirmations:
I am very Confident
I forgive Myself
My body is beautiful
I am at peace
I am completely Relaxed
I Love Myself
I am worthy
I am intelligent
&
Every Day In Every Way, I am getting Better & Better!
So keeping Positive, I know in the long run, If I keep this up--I will be better off. I know that I am worthy to do this for myself.
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| Tragic...... |
| 04.12.05 (10:39 am) [edit] |
I went to Eric's Sister house on Sunday for Sarah 16th Birthday. It was a nice day sitting around the pool and Bar-B-Queing. Their next door neighbor had just got news recently that their son-in-law had been killed in Iraq. It's truly sad, he was 23 years old. Just a baby! He was deployed less then 6 months ago. It's tragic, he had just got married and they didn't have an honeymoon figuring when he got back they would go. One of his buddies had got shot and when he went in to rescue him, he got shot and killed. He died a hero.
It's amazing to me that the media is not allowed to take pictures of these men coming home. That the government forbides this. Our kids are over there dying and it's taboo to show this. If we don't show it, then Americans forget that kids are dying and we continue to give the facade that everything is alright. It mystifies me at how many people I talk to that don't realize that we in war because our Mainstream media had reduced the war to soundbytes. If it no longer produces great rating,then it is replaced with news stories like these, "Individulas will tune in to hear about the high speed car chase that happened today." Crazy.......
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| Stick in my head!!! |
| 04.11.05 (5:38 pm) [edit] |
Becasue I could not stop for Death.... Death kindly stopped me!!
Now if I can just remember that at all times, while I am trying to get healthy!
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| Stuck in a Rut |
| 04.09.05 (10:08 am) [edit] |
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So yesterday was a blah day...I wonder what today will bring..... I'll finish cleaning my apt. :-) so exciting... I am in such a rut right now. I don't know how to get out of it. Has anybody been in a rut? and what have you done to get out of it? Cause I need to do something...I am just getting pathic. :-)
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| Obsession |
| 04.08.05 (5:11 pm) [edit] |
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I sometimes ask myself why? When I was younger I was a huge partier, I loved to smoke, drink and other substances. But eventually, I got tried of it and just quit and it did not bother me what's so ever. But when it comes to food, I just eat like there is no tomorrow. I also tell myself, alright diet tomorrow and about 6 months, I'll be around where I want to be. The problem is I start and stay on the diet for about a week or I don't start at all. What is my problem? I am so at the point to just taking diet pills, eat salad and drink fluids and that's about it. I know that it not healthy to do that. But I always ask myself, would it be better to do that for a few months or stay the way I am. And depending on my mood, and state of mind for that particular moment when I ask myself that, I come up with different answers. I am just so sick of being overweight and I hear the jokes, just push the plate away but most people just don't understand. Even when I was small, I felt fat. People who have always been overweight, always feel bigger then societies standards even when they are small. Therefore, the obsession with food is always there. Right now, at this moment in my life. I feel like I am losing the battle and it really sucks!!
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| Awkward..... |
| 03.26.05 (2:42 pm) [edit] |
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So yesterday I went and saw my dad and brother. It was such a weird experience. I have not seen my dad in over 16 years and I have never seen my little brother except his newborn picture. He is now 16. It was awkward. My dad looks so old. It's weird because the last time I seen him he was in his early thirties, just a little older than me. You don't realize how much your parents age, when you are constantly around them. Growing up with them but when it has been years. It sure is a shock. It feels so weird to me to call him dad because he has not been in my life for so long. He doesn't know me anymore and I don't know him. The last time I seen him I was eleven. I am now 28. I have changed significantly since my pre-teens. I mean I have changed so much since my early twenties. I'm confused. I feel like I should know what I am feeling but I don't what I am feeling.
Then I have 16 year old brother. I know absolutely nothang about him except his age and what tid bit of information that is given to me. He plays baseball and he is a pitcher. So when I meet him, I don't know what to do. He's at that age where he is confused too and thinking who the hell is this chick, my sister who has not been in my life for 16 years. Who does she think she is coming in now. I don't know if he is thinking that--but it would probably be what I was thinking at that age. I tried to relate to him, he listens to sublime & I have always been a huge sublime fan since I was his age. But overall, I don't know. I know I am glad that I went. The funny thing this is just the beginning of many awkward moments. I have another half-brother that I have not seen since we were kids. He wasn't in town yesterday, so I didn't get to see him. Basically my fathers side of the family, I have not seen since a young age.
I am just seriously confused--and at this point--I am just a passenger in for a ride--and hopefully where it ends is good.
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| Grumpy... |
| 03.24.05 (9:26 am) [edit] |
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I couldn't fall asleep last night so I watched TV in bed. But this morning when Eric got up, he was so grumpy. He told me I kept him up. I feel bad. I totally did not mean to . I thought he was out. Sometimes, I can be so ego-centric and not realize it. I knew that he had to be up early because for the next two weeks, he has to drive to Irvine. Which is a hour away with no traffic. But, the time he leaves means he will hit traffic all the way there, so it could take 2 hours. When he told me that this morning, I felt bad and I made him breakfast and lunch. and I texted message him to tell him how much I love him and appreciate him for taking on extra hours since I am now unemployed. How I wished I could do more....what to do...what to do...
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| I'm irritated |
| 03.23.05 (5:51 pm) [edit] |
Pure Bitch Fest!!
I hate having to do shit that I don't want to do. I know that life is all about doing shit that we don't want to do but we have to. It is so irritating to me when I have to attend a personalized job search assistance session in order to keep my unemployment benefits. In this session, I will learn how to update my resume in CalJobs, learn to use the Internet to search for employment opportunities, and learn about re-training services available. I guess I need help looking for a job. Oh my, I graduated from one of the top public universities in the nation, I only send my cover letter and resume through the Internet, which I utilize varies services from my career center to monster trak. I have only been jobless for about 2 weeks and I have interviews lined up for positions starting at 40+. But I have to waste time out of my day, so somebody can feel important and teach me how to write my resume, utilize the Internet and re-train me. I’m sure they can train me better then UCLA! Pure Laughable.
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| Scale... |
| 03.22.05 (3:34 pm) [edit] |
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I dyed my hair a deeper red last night. I don't know if I liked it though. My natural hair color is a auburn red and I decided I wanted a deeper auburn. hmmm...the new color will take some getting used to. But I have new decided I am a scale whore. I have to get on that scale at least once a day. It absolutly drives me nuts, my weight can go up and down of 3 lbs in one day. I know that your body will naturally do that depending on what you ate and other things. I know that it is mentally draining and bad for you when you are trying to lose weight. But I can not help myself. It is a huge variable in my self esteem for that day. It is truly sad to admit but it does. Oh well, time keeps on ticking and the scale sits there and haunts me.
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